Friday, May 18 2007, 10:28 am
honey, where's the baking soda?
Okay, so there has been some excitement around here.
So I went to light the grill yesterday... not expecting that I was actually going to be lighting THE GRILL on fire.
Yes, boys and girls, I lit the grill, walked away, and when I came back the WHOLE GRILL was flaming and smoking. I turned the gas off, and there was no abatement of the inferno.
I calmly walked inside the house and inquired as to the whereabouts of the baking soda.
- - -
The microwave. The microwave can only be described at this point as a Manhattan Project Diorama. You push the on button, and sit in front of it, and it makes a series of buzzing noises and then green flashes and thunderclaps and lightning and explosions and general craziness.
So I went to light the grill yesterday... not expecting that I was actually going to be lighting THE GRILL on fire.
Yes, boys and girls, I lit the grill, walked away, and when I came back the WHOLE GRILL was flaming and smoking. I turned the gas off, and there was no abatement of the inferno.
I calmly walked inside the house and inquired as to the whereabouts of the baking soda.
- - -
The microwave. The microwave can only be described at this point as a Manhattan Project Diorama. You push the on button, and sit in front of it, and it makes a series of buzzing noises and then green flashes and thunderclaps and lightning and explosions and general craziness.
Let me 1st tell you about how I found you.
It seems we both have gostats counters...
Although, by sight, I only saw a site meter on yours.
So anyway, I occasionally go to the gostats ratings, (at symbol removed) arts & entertainment and evilC what fellow, "so called" poets, are close by!
Today it is you!
I say: "so called" more for my sake than anyone else's, since I only have a 5th grade education...
So I must be just a poetaster that performs doggerel?
OK, I just came from CA to NE.
1979.
In CA the strongest booze was 151.
I wasn't even old enough anyway.
In NE, I was old enough, the strongest was 190, and my cousin had some!
I had previously seen this trick with 151, where you could light it and it would burn!
A mellow burn though, with an effervescent light blue flame.
Thinking I would get pretty much the same effect as with the other, 151, that I had only seen a professional demonstrate...
Who BTW, told me not to try this at home.
Good thing I was at my cousins!
Well low and behold, from the moment I struck the match, it seemed that 190 proof was proof positive that my cousins whole counter top was up in flames, exuberant ones too! And then, like wildfire, they spread. Toward our sandwiches.
My cousin was frantic in search of the baking soda... Asking me where it was? Like, Fuck if I know? It's your house and I just got here from California... I don't even know what you want the damned baking soda for? Let alone where you keep it?
Well, in my cousins maniacal frenzy she was able snap out of it for a second to say: To put the fire out you asshole, Johnny!
We spotted the baking soda simultaneously, she grabbed it, and emptied the whole box, whipping it from side to side until the fire was extinguished...
Leaving her kitchen was like walking in a winter wonder land...
We had to go out for lunch as ours was ruined.
My real e-mail doesn't have any underscores.