April 4, 2004, 3:59 am (-2hrs)


This has been in the works for a while, and by "in the works for a while", I mean that there has been an empty text file with the filename "2004.03.15-Blogging in a Time of War.txt" sitting in my ec folder on my computer for a few weeks.


the conception

I did not start this website as a public service. I did not start this website as tool to change the world. The initial conceptions came long ago, back in the days when I stumbled from my ways of sin, debauchery, and despair to a glowing screen in the middle of wee-morning hours looking to unload my soul. That is where the title, Equivocal Catharsis, came from. I was alone, and feeling the need to shit out the contents of my soul onto paper, or at least into some tangible form. In those dark days, I felt some relief from the burdens, the weight, by writing. And so it was a catharsis for me to write those thoughts, those ryhmes, those rythmns down, and feel them leave me soul. I saved them on the computer out of a relunctant desire to someday be able to reflect upon them. I threw them up on the internet with the domain name because i wanted to be able to see them later, from anywhere i happened to be, in order to remember where i had been, who i was, and where i was going.

baby steps

At some point along the way, I shared much of the catharsed output with a friend of mine, and she encouraged me to continue, but also to share with others -- for everyone is human, and if she could relate to a small portion of what i wrote, others may be able to do so and some small modicrum of good may be done, somehow...

childhood

Then friends later on, months ago, started their own internet sites, blogs, diaries, whatever, and began to write on them for mostly just "practice in writing."

Suddenly, catching the bug and be definately inspired by these other friends, one day i was told that i should turn this obscure, unknown collection of my soul's discourses into a blog.

So I did, and I removed all of the previous material from the public's eye, but, returning to some kind of regular cathartic output, i began to pester various bits and bytes with my own hair-brained thoughts.

adolesence

Then the Revolution came. A cluster of bright intellectual stars, the cream of the crop of our rising generation formed the idea of leading an intellectual revival through the new medium -- the public computer network, an ideal forum for exchange of ideas and philosophical discourse.

wartime

...and so I find myself here, trying to justify blogging during wartime.

My thoughts inevitably return to the sermon that C.S. Lewis preached, and which, incidentally was the first reading that every person attending a certain liberal arts school reads.

And I find much of the same material applicable to blogging during wartime.

For we are at war, and we always have been at war. In fact, to characterize it lightly -- as we humans are wont to do -- it would not be so much fun if it was any other way. And, if we think about it long and hard, we would not want it any other way.

Sure, there will be casualties. Some of our very own have fallen, and many more will fall. We can never even be sure about ourselves. But we have Allies. We have resources, and always, always we have Hope. And when, after persecution, after struggle, after sacrifice, after it all is over, that final, victorious cigarette will taste so good.

It all is worthwhile. We really have nothing to fear, for we stand to gain everything.

To blog in a time of war seems silly, reprehensible. It seems that we must take real action, that we must do, achieve. But perhaps this is our results-based society creeping in to the mix. We know very little, really, but we do know a few important things, things that we must always turn back to.

One, that the most important thing in our lives is our relationship with God.

Two, that the second most important thing is our relationships with other people, and they derive themselves from our relationship with God.

Nothing else matters.

This is the standard which must judge every action, every little thing we do.

And, insofar as anything, our little writings and catharsis's included, lend to improving these two things, they are good. And insofar as they detract, they are bad.

And so, I for one will continue to blog into and during this wartime, and if it is necessary to stop in order to continue the fight along other fronts, I will.

And the revolution may have been called a "pipe dream" and "unattainable," but any good that it does is well worth it.

And though the ship may sink, and though all aboard may drown, we have nothing to fear, for we know that we have tried. And the sucess does not need to be seen in this life.

When St. Peter hands us that pack of Camel Wides, and when St. Michael strikes up a Bic, then we can relax.